I realy miss Paris and everyone there, those were the best years in my life, I left lots of friends there.But there is someone special that I think about all the time, she is the girl that makes me smile just when i look at her... OH GOD... why did I have to fall in love just when i was about to leave?? well we were dating but I know that i am just an option for her, in fact her heart did and always will belong to my best friend in Paris, every girl is atracted to her, and the only reason we coulld have a chance dating was because I tried really hard and my friend rejected her.. even though he never had to do anything.. she is really atracted to him. This really hurts and I actually tried breaking up with her but she woldn't let me.. now it could be that she had feelings for me or eidher because she had noone else to date... i don't know but if i could go back in time i would never date her or even looked at her face...
I HATE MYSELF!!! why do I keep remenbering her? i shouldn't have gone for her.. I was never so hurt... She is a strong girl but i am just this sad boring guy, I love her in Paris but the distance made me love her even more.. I wish i could mae her happy.. in Paris she always had a lot of fun with other people, and especially with my friend. My biggest dream is to find her again, live my life beside her, have kids and love her forever, and i will do the best of me to make her the happyest girl on earth! Unfortunatly I know that it won't happen, But I want her to be really happy, i just want her to be always thinking about me. I fear the day when she forgets about me =(
quinta-feira, 8 de dezembro de 2011
quinta-feira, 1 de dezembro de 2011
Ahhh my life
I just wanted to say that if there is anyone reading this blogg, dont. its a waste of time, The reason why i did this its because I have a heart pain... I left the girl i loved in another country.. France. and now i am leaving in Mexico, but my nationality is brazilian i just live in different places all over the world because of my dad`s job.
It seems like a great job, because you get to know other cultures, new people and different places.. But thats just the start... I wish it wasn't like that, because i know that at some point i will have to leave and unfortunatly leave the people I love in that country too.
This time was different, when i left France not so long ago i liked a girl, oh well, I LOVED a girl and now i know what are the real meanings of love songs. hahaha you might read this and think i am cheesy and shit, but noo, i am actually hurt, i am actually that kind of guy that you look at him and he seems to not give a shit about anything? well i think that`s what i look like from someone else's eye, even though i am not like that :/ And i think that caring about people isn't a good thing, because every gentle, kind, sweet guy i know is always sad looking, But the assholes and the guys who just want to fuck girls are always smiling, the sad part is that the assholes always get what they want from the nice girls that dont deserve to have a heart broken..... OHH FUCK, Life is pretty and fun. but it also could be a bitch sometimes.
I think that everyone is in this world for some reason, and I soo wanted the reason of me being in this world was to have kids and a wife that makes me happy, and have a fun life. But i guess i just dont belong to that life.. I think that my reson of being in this world is to help the comunity and help the world to be a better place, I was thinking of growing up and be a life saver, a fireman, a doctor even a cop...
This is something that i have since i was born, before i die i want to save lives.. to give people another chance to live =((( AHHh shit i am crying now. =(( AND i am crying for 3 reasons;
1- My cousin saved my life when i was younger, i didnt know how to swim and noone else was in the pool, and then i suddenly started to drawn i dont know how, i cant remenber why. And a miracle happened, my cousin went to the pool because he forgot something and he saw me, and saved me. Everytime I remenber this I cry, and i feel like calling him here so i can give him the thightest hug ever!!
2- I also saved someones life, and if you havent saved anyones life.. i just tell you, it's the best feeling in the world when you remenber it, especially beacuse it was my brother. I remenber he was a baby and playing in the garden, i came up to him to give him sommething to eat and then i see 2 snakes really close to him, i panicked, but i managed to take him and go away, i wonder if the snakes were actually going to bite him but i still feel like i saved his life =)
3- This third reason, is just a consequence of trying to be cool. Well i used to smoke, I started when i was 12 untill 14, THATS IT. But it runs in my familly that i am 50% of chance more likely i will get a Cancer. and now if i smell cigarets a little more, i will get a cancer, luckly i stoped in time, but its still not good enough. The sad part is that could die by the age of 30, i got some kind of throat disease for smoking. I tell you now, dont smoke. I know that when you are smoking you say, ``well i will stop tomorrow...`` or ``I dont give a shit about diseases`` I USED TO SAY THE SAME THINGS. and now that I actually do have one it`s just too sad, trust me its the worst feeling in the world.
It seems like a great job, because you get to know other cultures, new people and different places.. But thats just the start... I wish it wasn't like that, because i know that at some point i will have to leave and unfortunatly leave the people I love in that country too.
This time was different, when i left France not so long ago i liked a girl, oh well, I LOVED a girl and now i know what are the real meanings of love songs. hahaha you might read this and think i am cheesy and shit, but noo, i am actually hurt, i am actually that kind of guy that you look at him and he seems to not give a shit about anything? well i think that`s what i look like from someone else's eye, even though i am not like that :/ And i think that caring about people isn't a good thing, because every gentle, kind, sweet guy i know is always sad looking, But the assholes and the guys who just want to fuck girls are always smiling, the sad part is that the assholes always get what they want from the nice girls that dont deserve to have a heart broken..... OHH FUCK, Life is pretty and fun. but it also could be a bitch sometimes.
I think that everyone is in this world for some reason, and I soo wanted the reason of me being in this world was to have kids and a wife that makes me happy, and have a fun life. But i guess i just dont belong to that life.. I think that my reson of being in this world is to help the comunity and help the world to be a better place, I was thinking of growing up and be a life saver, a fireman, a doctor even a cop...
This is something that i have since i was born, before i die i want to save lives.. to give people another chance to live =((( AHHh shit i am crying now. =(( AND i am crying for 3 reasons;
1- My cousin saved my life when i was younger, i didnt know how to swim and noone else was in the pool, and then i suddenly started to drawn i dont know how, i cant remenber why. And a miracle happened, my cousin went to the pool because he forgot something and he saw me, and saved me. Everytime I remenber this I cry, and i feel like calling him here so i can give him the thightest hug ever!!
2- I also saved someones life, and if you havent saved anyones life.. i just tell you, it's the best feeling in the world when you remenber it, especially beacuse it was my brother. I remenber he was a baby and playing in the garden, i came up to him to give him sommething to eat and then i see 2 snakes really close to him, i panicked, but i managed to take him and go away, i wonder if the snakes were actually going to bite him but i still feel like i saved his life =)
3- This third reason, is just a consequence of trying to be cool. Well i used to smoke, I started when i was 12 untill 14, THATS IT. But it runs in my familly that i am 50% of chance more likely i will get a Cancer. and now if i smell cigarets a little more, i will get a cancer, luckly i stoped in time, but its still not good enough. The sad part is that could die by the age of 30, i got some kind of throat disease for smoking. I tell you now, dont smoke. I know that when you are smoking you say, ``well i will stop tomorrow...`` or ``I dont give a shit about diseases`` I USED TO SAY THE SAME THINGS. and now that I actually do have one it`s just too sad, trust me its the worst feeling in the world.
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